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In 2006, I moved to Los Angeles to write a comedy for the producers of the American Pie Franchise and somehow ended up running social media for a shoe company that must go unnamed due to an NDA (Let’s just say it rhymes with “skechers.”) After that I went to a small social agency to work in a more intimate setting, only to be acquired by a huge digital marketing company 4 months later. I'm now loving my work with a handful of fortune 500 companies on social media strategy, but am still holding on to the hope that I will one day play professional basketball.


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Monday
Feb132012

MySpace is Back Baby (1,000,000 New Users Last Month)!

MySpace just announced that over one million new users signed up for the site last month and an additional 40k have joined each day since. Most of them were middle-aged women that mistook it for the Justin Timberlake fan club, but whatevs. MySpace has become a content destination under the new leadership of Tim Vanderhook and associates, claiming to have a library of music bigger than all competitors including Spotify and Last.fm. The turn around is really shocking. It’s almost impossible to believe a group of tech investors could do a better job at running a website than Rupert Murdoch. Just look at that face and try to tell me it doesn't scream innovative digital genius. Btw, you may think he looks sad in this picture because MySpace is heading back to the top, but he's not. That's just gravity.  

Still, it might be too early to rejoice at MySpace’s return. After all, we know what happened last time they were number one at something. 

Monday
Feb132012

Microsoft Opening Stores Next to Apple (The Funny Strategy)

Microsoft has quietly opened 14 retail locations over the last couple years and is committed to opening 75 more. Interestingly, they are all being built next to Apple Stores. I’m not sure what the strategy is. Putting your store so close to the competition invites comparison. It’s as if Steak and Shake is challenging Ruth’s Chris to a grill off. I can’t imagine too many people saying, “Aw man, this iPhone thing is just too fast and intuitive. I’m gonna head over to that Microsoft store to get me something less reliable.”

In all reality, Microsoft is actually experiencing significant growth across their divisions and they have some great products. Would I ever go into a Microsoft store? Of course. Whenever the line at Apple is too long, I’d go play some xbox until the crowds die down.

Microsoft Retail Plan on DigitalTrends.com

 

Thursday
Feb092012

Steve Jobs the Stoner with 2.65 GPA (Funny facts from the FBI)

"When I get the munchies..."Steve Jobs was a Stoner and had a 2.65 GPA in high school according to an FBI report just released on him. Great... We’re already falling behind the rest of the world when it comes to education, the last thing we need is for kids to think that the way to make billions is by getting baked and answering “D” for every question. The report stated:
"Several individuals commented concerning past drug use on the part of Mr. Jobs."

The FBI was investigating Jobs because the first Bush administration was interested in hiring him. There is some other interesting information in the report, but most notable is the FBI’s fax cover. Once again the tough, smart image of the bureau protrayed in movies is completely shattered by a cartoon character on the cover sheet. These are the people responsible for our safety.

More Details from the Report:

Gawker: Steve Jobs, FBI

 

 

Wednesday
Feb082012

Funny Ways To Unfriend Your Parents on Facebook 

Defriending most people on facebook is easy. They rarely notice your brilliant posts have gone missing and would only find out should they check your page or happen to catch that you’re not in the friends section of an event invitation. Parents are different. First off, most of them only have 2-25 friends, so they can monitor the number very closely. Additionally, the reason they’re on the site is to check up on you, so your content is like The Secret to a cat lady.

My mom and dad aren't on facebook and if they were I wouldn’t unfriend them. That said, I know people who have overbearing mothers and fathers and rue the day they hit accept. It’s not that they don’t love the ones who gave them life, but it’s embarrassing when mom repeatedly mistakes wall posts for private messages. Not that my friend needed to be asked if he was still experiencing diarrhea from dinner the previous night, but he definitely didn’t need his friends looped in. If you’ve had experiences like this, I’m here to help. Here are a few moves you can use to defriend your parents without offending them. Note: some situations may requires a combination of moves for desired results.

1. The Friend a Parent Tactic - This is an advanced move. First you will have to unfriend your parents for a fictional reason (Facebook deleted your account or your account was hacked), and then you will refriend them. But wait, why would I friend my mom and dad if the whole point is to defriend them? Because it will not actually be you doing the friending! Create a dummy account with a secondary email, load some safe images in there, and add a couple friends including your mom and dad. Everybody wins... except your parents.

2. The Honest Approach - Tell your parents the dog ate your computer and that it caused your facebook account to blowup and then immediately block them.

3. Couples Therapy - Tell your parents that you heard a Dr. Phil interview in which he explained how social media is making people grow distant. Tell them that’s the last thing you’d want for your relationship and ask that you start connecting more over the phone. There’s some truth to this one. The best relationships happen offline.

4. The Wait 30-50 Years Tactic - Self-explanatory. Think about it...

Obviously, these suggestions are jokes. Honesty is always the best policy. The last thing moms and dads want is to annoy their children. More than likely, they just don’t know proper facebook etiquette and need to learn. If you bring up the topic gently you probably won’t have to do any defriending. Who knows, your parents might end up being solid friends... or at least they'll keep sending cookies.
Pls share this if you like it

 

Wednesday
Feb082012

Parliament Porn and Brazil Twitter in Deep Santorum Wins GOP Votes

Quick, name two things that don’t mix. You probably said India’s Parliament and Porn. Wrong! 1. Three ministers in the India government resigned yesterday because they were caught watching porn on a mobile device while Parliament was in session. Apparently they wanted a change of pace from other ministers ramming policy down their throats. At least porn got rid of the policy part. Still, after getting busted, it was the right move to pull out. In all seriousness though this is a step backwards for the perception of women in India.
"We live in a country where there already is this social mindset that women are disposable commodities and are seen as transferable properties," Renuka Chowdhary, a former federal minister for women's development and a member of the Congress Party. "It really is troubling that the people who are in positions of power and have the responsibility to change things actually have the same mindset and are busy watching porn."
"This is how I keep the santorum from coming out."On the subject of sex byproducts, 2. Rick Santorum picked up three GOP votes last night, winning Colorado and Minnesota. However, the definition of his name, "The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex," still ranks number one on google.

If you think Internet censorship is bad now, just imagine if Santorum is elected. He won’t just rearrange google search results, he’ll santorum all over the search giant. While most presidents vow to lower taxes or bring the troops home, I’m pretty sure Santorum is just concernted with not being poop anymore. There is actually legitimate concern about putting someone in office that has been seriously burned by the Internet. I imagine he harbors some major resentment towards the freedom we enjoy online.

“Freedom” continues to be defined when it comes to Twitter. 3. Brazil is suing Twitter in an attempt to stop it’s citizens from using the platform to get around speed traps and road blocks. Currently the country is attempting to fine twitter users $290,000 if they post about police created traffic stops. Those fines would be lifted if Twitter found a way to block the tweets in question.

Brazil claims that these tweets “break the law and directly endanger life, safety and property,” because “The roadblocks may thwart purveyors of other crimes” such as drug trafficking.

This actually makes a lot of sense. Before twitter existed there was never any of this so called “drug trafficking” in South America.

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